Xmas Medley
by Tsubasa Hane
Summary: A medley of some of your favorite christmas carols: Kitty learns some of the joys of being Jewish, Logan battles with the tree lights, Remy runs off with all the alcohol, and Pietro wants a hula-hoop for Christmas.


This is one of the most insane things I've ever written…and for me, that's saying something. It took me over two months to gather the proper songs, assign lyrics to each character, and forge a phony plotline to make it look like there was a point to this story other than making our favorite characters sing.

There wasn't. ^_^ Happy Holidays!

* * *

**Xmas Medley**

**

* * *

**

The scene opens to the outside of the Xavier mansion, which has been colorfully decorated with numerous lights on almost every last corner. White frost outlines most of the windows, and even the trees have pieces of tinsel hanging from them.

It's a beautiful sight, indeed.

The camera zooms into one of the lower windows, and into the Institute's main room. The X-men, Brotherhood, and even a number of Magneto's Apocolytes (including Magneto, himself) are all gathered for an early tree-trimming ceremony.

Brotherhood and X-men alike seem to be getting along rather well, despite their whole rivalry-thing going (with the obvious exception of Evan and Pietro…but Ryo had made both boys promise to behave for at least the evening, and both Wanda and Ororo made sure the boys KEPT their promise). Even Wanda looks like she's enjoying herself, though she'd probably never admit it.

Gambit is obviously fitting right in, having found a place on the bottom of the stairway for himself and Rogue to chat and enjoy one another's company. Pyro had gotten bored soon after Magneto told him he COULDN'T set the tree on fire—oh, don't think the boy didn't try! —and had eventually fallen asleep, conveniently right next to the fireplace.

**Pyro:** I'm not really in this fic. Think of it as a special cameo appearance, mate!

Colossus had transformed into his metal-form earlier, and helps Kitty and Jean with some of the taller branches of the tree, while the New Recruits (including countless numbers of clones Jamie made of himself to make the process go along faster) deal with the lower branches.

Ororo floats over the roof of the mansion, working on a gentle shower of snow outside, and Hank resides in the kitchen whipping up batches of Egg Nog (which thrilled Ryo, who was addicted to the stuff like mad). Non-Alcoholic, of course…at least, he hoped so. Logan sits over by Xavier, both whom had the exhilarating task of untangling the mile-long Christmas tree lights.

Now, of course, those lights aren't REALLY a mile long…but Logan certainly begs to differ.

_It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas_ plays softly on the overhead speakers as the front door opens and Kurt enthusiastically greets Amanda, whom the Professor had allowed him to invite for the party. It wasn't long before she, too, became overwhelmed by the holiday spirit and decorating task, choosing to help Kurt hang some of the ceiling decorations by holding the ladder for him.

The camera then shifts over to one corner of the room, where Pietro, Todd, and Fred stand on a make-shift stage. Lance sits in a stool off to the side, tuning his guitar. Gaining some help from the nearby, conveniently-placed piano, he's all set in a matter of moments. With a nod from the other members, he starts playing a very familiar Christmas tune.

**Lance:** All right, Brotherhood! Ready to sing your song?

**Todd:** I'll say we are!

**Fred:** Yeah!

**Pietro:** Let's sing it now!

**Lance:** Okay, Fred?

**Fred:** Okay!

**Lance:** Okay, Todd?

**Todd:** Okay!

**Lance:** Okay, Pietro?

*silence*

**Lance:** …Pietro?

*silence*

**Lance: **PIETRO!

**Pietro:** OKAY!

**P/T/F:** _Christmas, Christmas time is near!  
Time for toys and time for cheer!  
We've been good, but we can't last!  
Hurry, Christmas, hurry fast!_

_Want a plane that loops-the-loop!_

**Pietro:** _Me, I want a huuula-hoop!_

He swivels his hips around as if to accent his point, earning a mass rolling of the eyes from most of the onlookers of the room from where they stood/sat. Some ignore him, but continue listening to the song.

**P/T/F:** _We can hardly stand the wait!  
Please, Christmas, don't be late!_

During the musical interlude, in which Lance continues to strum his guitar softly, the three boys all stand side-by-side together with their hands in a praying position in front of them, looking up to the heavens completely "innocent-like," and bop-sway back and forth (you know what I mean!) to the beat in a very silly manner.

Some of the younger audience members giggle at their little routine. The older members aren't fooled.

**Lance:** Okay, guys, get ready. That was very good, Todd.

**Todd:** *blows fingernails* Naturally.

**Lance:** Very good, Fred.

Fred: Hehehehe…

**Lance:** Ah, Pietro…you were a little flat. Watch it.

*silence*

**Lance:** Ah, Pietro?

*silence*

**Lance:** …Pietro?

*silence*

**Lance:** PIETRO!

**Pietro:** OKAY!

**P/T/F:** _Want a plane that loops-the-loop._

**Pietro:** _I still want that hula hoop!_

**P/F/T:** _We can hardly stand the wait  
Please Christmas, don't be late!  
We can hardly stand the wait  
Please Christmas, don't be late!_

**Lance:** Very good, guys.

**Todd:** Let's sing it again!

**Fred:** yeah let's sing it again!

**Lance:** No, that's enough…let's not overdo it.

**Pietro:** What do you mean, overdo it?

**Todd:** We want to sing it again!

**Lance:** Now, wait a minute, boys…

**Fred:** Why can't we sing it again?

The boys start ganging up on Lance, who backs up in slight fear as they speak in rapid, chipmunk-like chatter.

**Lance:** Pietro, cut that out…Fred, just a minute…Todd, will you cut that out? Boys…AHHHH!

As Lance runs like heck all over the room, being followed by rabid, chipmunk-wannabes, Wolverine watches with a growl and turns to Xavier.

**Logan:** "Well, I think it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, wouldn't you say Chuck?"

* * *

_After the carnage_…

* * *

Pietro was on a mission.

A rather silly mission, but a mission none the less. He even dressed the part, donning one of his many self-made costumes. Black leather pants with a matching jacket, boots, and gloves gave a dull shine off the ceiling lights. His silver hair was covered underneath a solid-black, woolen ski cap, and he even put on a pair of rose-tinted goggles ("night vision" goggles) to complete the look.

**Pietro:** "Scott Summers, eat your heart out."

The theme from _Mission Impossible II_ plays somewhere in the background as he sneaks around the back of the buffet table. He quickly darts his eyes back and forth before slipping under the table. There, he spots a well-placed black, leather bag. It is in this bag he finds his desired cargo: a small, unlabeled, brown bottle. As he holds it up to examine it, an evil chuckle escapes his lips before he sneaks out from under the table…

…and comes face-to-face with Ryo.

He attempts to hide the bottle behind his back.

**Pietro:** "Umm…I can explain…see—"

**Ryo:** "You're planning to spike the 'nog, aren't ya?"

**Pietro:** "Er…"

She points to the bowl.

**Ryo:** "It's about time! Now dump the stuff in a'fore Mr. McCoy comes back!"

Pausing a _full_ second to blink in surprise, Pietro continues on his task, walking over to the bowl and removing the cork from the container. He glances briefly right to left and holds the entire bottle over the egg nog. His egotistical evil laughter returns.

Nothing comes out of the bottle.

He blinks again

**Pietro:** *confused* "…what?"

He holds the bottle upside-down and looks into it.

**Pietro:** "It's empty! But…"

Just then, a maniacally-cackling Remy runs by with half a dozen bottles in his arms.

**Remy:** "'s mine, I tell y'…all MINE!"

He runs out of the room, still laughing.

**Ryo/Pietro**: …

Rogue watches them from her spot on the couch.

**Rogue:** "Looks like Rem got his Christmas wish this year!"

**Todd:** "Wait…you guys made wishes? Where was I?"

**Rogue:** "Y'all hadn' gotten hear yet."

**Todd:** "Well, I wanna make my Christmas Wish now, yo! Hmm…I wish…"

He closes his eyes and silently makes a wish. Lance turns to Fred.

**Lance:** "Ten bucks it's got somethin' to do with Wanda."

**Fred:** "You're on!"

Over on the love seat adjacent to Rogue, Bobby and Jubilee sit together, all snuggled up romantic-like. Ray and Tabbitha take up the couch next to them, while Kurt, Amanda, Sam, and Rahne all share the last one. Kurt and Amanda sit together, while Sam and Rahne sit on opposite ends and occasionally sneak a glance at one another.

The rest of the new mutants huddled together on the carpet as Jamie set up the Christmas movie: _The Grinch_ (it had been a unanimous decision). Lance sits over to the side in one corner with Todd, Fred and a frighteningly tranquil Wanda, not wishing to find himself involved yet often glancing over where Kitty and Jean were finishing up the last bits of the tree. Scott is doing the same thing as Lance from where he sat on the steps, and together the two were unaware of the glances thrown in _their_ direction by the girls.

Todd's and Rogue's conversation is overheard by the group, and the subject of Christmas wishes and presents comes up. Jubilee turns to her boyfriend.

**Jubilee:** "What do _you_ want for Christmas, Drake?"

He grins at her ominously.

**Bobby:** "I've already got my gift."

A couple of pillows his him square in the face from Roberto, Ray, and Tabbitha.

**R/R/T:** "CHEESE!"

**Bobby:** "Well, it may be cheesy, but it's true!"

**Bobby:** _I don't want a lot for Christmas;  
There's just one thing I need_

Jean absentmindedly allows her sight to wander over to a certain shade-wearing X-man.

**Jean:** _I don't care about presents  
Underneath the Christmas tree_

Rahne rests an elbow on the couch armrest, sighing as she wills herself NOT to stare at Sam.

**Rahne:** _I just want you for my own  
More than you could ever know_

From where she stands beneath the tree, Kitty meets eyes with Lance and waves. He waves back with a smile.

**Lance:** _Make my wish come true…  
All I want for Christmas  
Is you…_

Tabbitha happily slides down from her seat so she can lay diagonally on the couch, resting her head in Ray's lap. He doesn't complain.

**Tabby:** _I don't want a lot for Christmas  
There is just one thing I need_

Sam watches Rahne not-watching him.

**Sam:** _I don't care about presents  
Underneath the Christmas tree_

Kurt happily faces Amanda, singing to her directly. He places his nose on hers cutely with a grin.

**Kurt:** _I don't need to hang my stocking  
There upon the fireplace_

Running one hand through Tabby's hair, Ray takes her hand into his free one, intertwining their fingers.

**Ray:**_ Santa Claus won't make me happy  
With a toy on Christmas day_

From where he sits, Scott watches Jean intently.

**Scott:** _I just want you for my own  
More than you could ever know_

Jubilee gives Bobby a peck on the cheek and rests her head on his shoulder.

**Jubilee:** _Make my wish come true  
All I want for Christmas is you…_

**All:** _You, baby_

As Kitty reaches some of the higher branches, she spots a beautiful snowflake ornament, fingering it gently as if it would break.

**Kitty:** _I won't ask for much this Christmas  
I won't even wish for snow_

**Bobby:** _I'm just gonna keep on waiting  
Underneath the mistletoe_

**Kurt:** _I won't make a list and send it  
To the North Pole for Saint Nick_

**Rahne:** _I won't even stay awake to  
Hear those magic reindeer click_

**Sam:** _'Cause I just want you here, tonight  
Holding on to me so tight_

**Lance:** _What more can I do_

**All:** _Baby, all I want for Christmas is you  
You…_

Amanda gestures outside the window and then around the room..

**Amanda:** _All the lights are shining  
So brightly everywhere_

Near an open window, the sounds of a bunch of kids playing near the Institute gates could be heard.

**Tabbitha:** _And the sound of children's  
Laughter fills the air_

Jean places a hand to her forehead and hears various holiday activities going on around Bayville.

**Jean:** _And everyone is singing  
I hear those sleigh bells ringing_

**All:** _Santa won't you bring me the one I really need—  
Won't you please bring my baby to me…_

**Ray:** _Oh, I don't want a lot for Christmas  
This is all I'm asking for_

Bobby turns Jubilee in his arms so he has them wrapped around her stomach, swaying her back and forth slightly to the beat. She smiles serenely at him and plays along.

**Bobby:** _I just want to see my baby  
Standing right outside my door_

**Rahne:** _Oh, I just want him for my own  
More than you could ever know_

**Guys:**_ Make my wish come true_

**Girls:** _Baby all I want for Christmas is…_

**All:** _You…_

As Bobby and Jubilee continue their embrace, his head resting on her shoulder from behind, Sam gets up and walks over to where Rahne sits, whispering something in her ear to cause her to blush and nod. Even Tabby, still lying on the couch with her head in Ray's lap, places her fingers to her lips, than his in a romantic gesture. He gently kisses her fingers in return.

Meanwhile, Toad watches from his seat, looking over at Wanda. She leans against a nearby wall, doing her absolute best to remain distant from the group while carefully observing each and every one of them. She feels Todd's eyes watching her, turning to meet him with a scowl. He's grinning like mad.

**Todd:** "Kinda gives you an idea, eh?"

**Wanda:** "Ugh, you just don't get it, do you?"

**Toad:** "Get what, Cuddlebumps?"

Wanda glares furiously, and the lights on the tree all blow out.

**Logan:** *from behind the tree* "MAXIMOFF!"

**Pietro:** "I didn't do it!"

Once Wanda gets her anger somewhat under control, she pushes away from the wall, and walks over to meet him eye-to-eye…

**Wanda:** "…those _aren't_ my eyes, Frog-boy!"

**Todd:** "Oh, I…uh…well…"

**Wanda:** "You're WORSE than the Grinch, you know that?"

**Todd:** "Grinch? …you mean, like the movie?"

In the background, the movie begins to play the theme song, and Wanda starts singing along…sort of.

**Wanda:** _You're a green one, Mr. Grinch  
And all you do is steal.  
You're as cuddly as a cactus, you're as charming as an eel  
Mr. Grinch  
You're a bad banana with a greasy black peel!_

Fred looks up and sees his buddy getting attacked by the Scarlet Witch.

**Fred:** "Hey, y'know…you could be a little nicer to the guy. He's just trying to say he likes you, is all!"

**Fred:** _You're a monster, Mr. Grinch  
Your heart's an empty hole_

He abruptly stops, though, when Wanda's eyes almost glow red with anger. Letting out a small "eep," The Invulnerable Blob sits back down feebly to watch the movie. She turns back to the frog-like boy still standing right in front of her.

**Wanda:** _Your brain is full of spiders, you have garlic on your…_ "ugh, breath" _… Mr. Grinch_  
_I wouldn't touch you with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!_

_You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch  
You have termites in your smile_

Todd: "Hey, I just had lunch!"

_You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile  
Mr. Grinch  
Given a choice between the two of you, I'd take the…_

**Todd:** *hopefully* Toad?

_Seasick crocodile!_

_You're a bother, Mr. Grinch  
You're the king of migraine lots  
Your skin's a dead tomato splotched with moldy green-ish spots  
Mr. Grinch  
You're a three decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with…_

**Todd:** "….sugary sweetness?"

_Arsenic Sauce!_

_You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch  
With a nauseous super "naus"!  
You're a crooked dirty pick-pock and you drive me up the wall,  
Mr. Grinch.  
Your soul is an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of rubbish imaginable mangled up in a…  
…tangled up ball!_

The rest of the brotherhood comes up behind Wanda, but none of them are brave enough to say anything and risk angering her further. They just stand back and watch, helplessly, as she shoots the Toad down even further.

_You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch  
You're a nasty, wansty skunk  
Your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk  
Mr. Grinch,  
The three words that best describe you are as follows  
And I quote:_

She reaches over and grabs the nearby bowl of egg nog, much to Ryo's protest.

_Stink..._

She lifts it up over Todd's head.

_Stank..._

With great pleasure, she dumps the entire contents on Todd's head…bowl and all.

_Stunk!_

Wanda marches off in a huff, leaving Todd standing there with egg nog dripping all over. He lifts the bowl just as the others walk over.

**Todd: **"…I think she likes me!"

The others sadly shake their heads at the poor boy. Ryo mourns over the loss of her precious egg nog, until Xavier sends her a telepathic message.

***_do not worry…there is more egg nog in the kitch_—***

He barely finishes his sentence before she makes a beeline for the door.

* * *

_Two cartons of egg nog later_…

* * *

After the movie ends, everybody sets about in their own manner.

Scott and Jean head out to drive to the store to pick up some things for the professor, and most of the others just kind of hang around, seeing as most of the decorations were finished. The New Recruits all gather together in their usual huddle, upon Jubilee's request, to hear the piece of info she wanted to tell them. Huddling up so no one else can here, Jubilee whispers to them with excitement clearly evident on her face.

**Jubilee:** "You guys'll never guess what I saw happen last night!"

**Rahne:** "What happened?"

**Bobby:** " C'mon, Jubes…tell us!"

**Jubilee:** "Well…"

**Jubilee:** _I saw 'Roro kissing Wolvie-Claus  
Underneath the mistletoe last night_

**Bobby:** "No way! Really?"

**Jubilee:** "Really!"

_She didn't see me creep down the stairs to have a peep  
She thought that I was tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep_

**Rahne:** "I was wondering where you were last night…you never did come back to the room, though."

Jubilee and Bobby's eyes meet from across the circle, and they give each other devious grins. The others watch them for a moment, turning their heads back and forth, before Tabby speaks up.

**Tabby:** *squealing* "…you didn't!"

Rather than the expected blushing…the couple start to laugh.

**Jubilee:** *in between giggles* "No, we didn't…actually, you'll find out a little later on. Now hush, and lemme finish the story!"

**Amara:** "You mean there's MORE!"

Jubilee nods.

**Jubilee:** _Then…_

_I saw 'Roro tickle Wolvie-Claus  
Underneath his bear so snowy white;_

Everyone laughs at the mental images that come to their minds.

_Oh what a laugh it would have been if you guys had only seen  
'Roro kissing Wolvie Claus last night!_

**Tabby:** *though giggle fits* "Oh, man…that's priceless! You didn't get pictures, did you?"

**Jubilee:** "Unfortunately, no…I didn't have a camera with me."

A shadow suddenly comes up behind them.

**Logan:** *in usual gruff voice* "What are you kids up to?"

They all turn to one another momentarily before bursts into hysterics, collapsing to the floor in one giant heap. Logan simply raises an eyebrow in response, drawing further laughter from the bunch. Many of the others around them gave them an odd look, wondering what all the commotion was about…but then wisely decided it was probably better NOT to find out.

Especially if it involved laughing at Wolverine.

* * *

_Some time after they calm down_…

* * *

Getting up from fixing the tree post (let's just say…there could have been a _big_ problem if Jean hadn't used her telekinesis to straighten the tree before it hit the ground), Colossus brushes off the bits of bark from his hands. Noticing one comrade is conveniently missing—though he could have almost _sworn_ he heard a rendition of "Cajun Christmas" coming from the ventilation system next to where he stood at one point—and the other is fast asleep, he surveys his options.

Now, being metal may have been really good when it comes to super strength, but it also drew in the cold like nobody's business. Thus, going over next to the fireplace seemed like the best option. On the way, he passes by the refreshment table. Ryo sees him coming and stares at him oddly for a moment.

**Ryo:** …didn't I see you in _The Wizard of OZ_?

Pausing to blink at her, he shakes his head and continued over. He sits a few feet away from the fire (which appeared to be taking on the form of a few girls in bikinis; given the grin on St. John's face, it wasn't hard to figure where the images came from.) and pulls a book off the shelf to read.

Kitty sits over towards the back of the room, lighting one of the candles of the menorah Xavier had given her. She blew out the match, stared at the single burning candle for a moment, then turned to survey the rest of her surroundings. It felt a bit strange to her, which was why she had retreated to the back of the room.

Ryo was the first to notice the girl's apparent discomfort, watching her carefully from the rim of her cup. Evan walks up to her and raises an eyebrow.

**Evan:** "Um, Ry…how many cups have you had?"

**Ryo:** "Oh, I don't know…four…forty…does it matter? *hic* S'not like there's any alcohol in here. Remy took care of that."

**Evan:** "Yeah, I know…by taking all the liquor bottles."

The sound of evil cackling is heard for a brief moment, echoing through the halls. Nobody seems to hear it.

**Ryo:** *starts giggling* "Now if you'll excuse, I gots me a friend to go cheer up!"

She tosses the cup over her shoulder absently, and practically skips over to where Kitty sits. Evan watches her go, then decides to test the eggnog for any foreign substance whatsoever before he willingly drinks it.

Kitty looks up to find Ryo staring at her with an innocent smile.

**Ryo:** "Hey, Kitty…what's wrong?"

**Kitty:** *sighing* "Nothing much. This _is_ my first Christmas, after all."

**Ryo:** "Oh, that's right! You're Jewish, aren't you?"

**Kitty:** *nods*

**Ryo:** "hmm…"

Ryo gives a quick survey of the room, and spots Lance over in the corner fiddling with his guitar. This gives her an idea…

She rushes over to him.

**Ryo:** "Hey, Lancey-boy!"

He looks up at her, eyebrow raised.

**Lance:** " 'Lancey-boy'? You've been spending too much time with Pietro."

**Ryo:** "Yeah, yeah, so I've been told. Listen, I've got an idea, but I need your help."

She whispers something into his ear, and before receiving any confirmation, drags him back over to Kitty. She watches the whole thing with a touch of amusement and more than a little bit of curiosity.

**Ryo:** "All right, Lance…you know what to do. Key of…oh…let's make it E-flat."

**Lance:** "You got it."

He starts playing his guitar and Ryo somehow manages to acquire a microphone.

**Kitty:** "Um…what are you doing?"

**Ryo:** "What do you think? We've been doing Christmas for most of the evening, so it's time for a Hanukkah song. And not just _any_ Hanukkah song…THE Hanukkah song!"

**Kitty:** "Oh, boy…"

**Ryo:** _Put on your yarmulke, here comes Hanukkah  
It's so much fun-akkah to celebrate Hanukkah!_

**Kitty:** "'fun-akkah'?"

**Ryo:** "Hey, you try rhyming words with Hanukkah!"

**Ryo:** _Hanukkah is…the Festival of Lights.  
Instead of one day of presents, you have eight crazy nights._

_When you feel like the only kid in town without a Christmas tree…  
Here's a list of people who are Jewish, just like you, Kitty:_

_David Lee Roth lights the menorah  
So do James Caan, Kirk Douglas, and the late Dinah Shore-ah_

_Guess who eats together at the Karnickey Deli?_

**Kitty:** "Who?"

_Bowzer from Sha-na-na and Arthur Fonzerrelli._

**Kitty:** "Wait…you mean the guy from Happy Days?"

**Ryo:** "That's the one."

**Kitty:** "I never knew that!"

_Paul Newman's half Jewish; Goldie Hawn's half too…  
Put them together—what a fine looking Jew!_

By this time, a number of people got up from watching to movie to see Lance and Ryo. They all sit gathered around the invisible stage, some clapping in time to the beat.

_You don't need Deck the Halls or Jingle Bell Rock  
'Cause you can Spin the Dreidal with Captain Kirk and Mr. Spok—both Jewish!_

_Put on your yarmulke, it's time for Hanukkah  
The owner of the Seattle Supersonic-ahs celebrates Hanukkah_

_O.J. Simpson…_

*beat*

_…not a Jew!_

Everybody cracks up. Even Ryo herself has a hard time controlling her giggles.

_We got Ann Landers and her sister Dear Abby,  
Harrison Ford's a quarter Jewish—not too shabby!_

_Some people think that Ebenezer Scrooge is_

**Kitty:** "…hey, waitasecond…"

_Well, he's not, but guess who is: all three stooges!_

**Kitty:** "Ryo!"

**Ryo:** "Don't look at me; I didn't write the lyrics!"

_So many Jews are in show biz—Tom Cruise isn't, but I heard his agent is.  
Tell your friend Veronica,_

**Kitty:** "Who's Veronica?"

**Ryo:** "Not now, I'm on a roll!"

_…it's time you celebrate Hanukkah  
I hope you get a harmonica, on this lovely, lovely Hanukkah_

_So drink your gin and tonic-ah, and smoke your marijuana-kah_

Remy briefly pops his head in through the doorway…

**Remy:** "Amen to that!"

…then quickly vanishes.

_If you really, really wanna-kah, have a happy-happy-happy-happy Hanukkah!_

Lance finishes with a flourish, and he and Ryo bow to the massive applause they receive.

**Kitty:** "Wow, that was great! Thank Ryo."

**Ryo:** " 'welcome! Wanna hear the other two parts of the song?"

**Kitty:** *quickly* "No! That's…okay…"

She then turns to Lance, her voice softening a bit.

**Kitty:** "…thanks, Lance."

He responds casually, not bothering to look up from his guitar.

**Lance:** "No problem…"

She looks a little bit hurt of this, but tries not to let it show.

* * *

_Later still_…

* * *

As the evening wears on, many people remember some last-minute things they have to do for the holidays. Amanda and Kurt sit over at the nearby desk area to write out some last-minute Christmas cards to friends and family, while Jean sits next to them with some important-looking papers in her hands. After Wanda's earlier outburst, Logan had to remove all the broken lights off the tree and untangle a new cord.

Needless to say, he wasn't very happy about it.

**Logan:** *muttering* "Merry Flamin' Christmas, all right…and all the troubles that come with it!"

**Kitty:** "What?"

**Logan:** "Trust me, Half-Pint…you got it easy. No big-a—er—big tree to lug in, no decorations to haul down. Just a nice, little candlestick and eight candles…." *to himself* "Hmm, I wonder if it's too late to convert."

**Tabby:** "He's right, Kitty…all the fun Christmas is, there are some rather annoying pains to it."

**Kitty:** "Really?"

Everybody present nods in agreement.

**All:** _The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me…  
Is finding a Christmas tree._

**All:** _The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:_

Logan: *sitting in a corner, fiddling with the tree lights* _Rigging up the lights._

**All:** _And Finding a Christmas Tree!  
The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:_

**Remy:** *wanders into the room clutching his head* _Hangovers…_

**Logan:** _Rigging up the lights…_

**All:** _And Finding a Christmas Tree!  
The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:_

**Kurt:** *can't hold his pen right with only three fingers* _Sending Christmas cards…_

**Remy:** _Hangovers…_

**Logan:** _Rigging up the lights…_

**All:** _And finding a Christmas tree!  
The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:_

**Xavier/Magneto:** _Five months of bills!_

**Kurt:** _Sending Christmas cards…_

**Remy:** _Hangovers…_

**Logan:** _Rigging up the lights…_

**All:** _And finding a Christmas tree!  
The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:_

**Ororo:** _Facing my in-laws…_

**Xavier/Magneto:** _Five months of bills!_

**Kurt:** _Oh, I hate those Christmas cards!…_

**Remy:** _Hangovers…_

**Logan:** *getting frustrated* _Rigging up these lights…_

**All:** _And finding a Christmas Tree!  
The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:_

**Jean:** _The Salvation Army…_

**Rogue:** "Ah thought you liked doin' all that stuff, Jeannie?"

**Jean:** *holds up her papers* "You'd feel the same way if you were signed up for FIFTEEN different charities in one season!"

**Ororo:** _Facing my in-laws…_

**Xavier/Magneto:** _Five months of bills!_

**Kurt:** _Sending Christmas cards…_

**Remy:** *not feeling so good* _ohhh geeez…_

**Logan:** _…I'm tryin' to rig up these lights!_

**All:** _And finding a Christmas Tree!  
The eighth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:_

**Jamie:** *shouting* _I want a transformer for Christmas!_

**Jean:** _Charities, and what do you mean "your in-laws"?…_

**Ororo:** "My sister _is_ married, remember?"

**Xavier/Magneto:** _Five months of bills!_

**Kurt:** _Ugh…making up these cards…_

**Remy:** _Oh, Roguey, get me a beer, huh?_

**Rogue:** "What do Ah look like, ya maid?"

**Logan:** *looking through a HUGE box* _What, we have no extension cords?_

**All:** _And finding a Christmas tree!  
The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:_

**Kitty:** _Finding parking spaces…_

**Logan/Scott:** *in fear* "DEAR GOD, WHO GAVE _HER_ THE KEYS?"

**Jamie:** _Professor, I want some candy!_

**Jean:** _Donations…_

**Ororo:** _Facing my in-laws…_

**Xavier/Magneto:** _Five months of bills!_

**Kurt:** _Writing out those Christmas cards…_

**Remy:** _Hangovers…_

**Logan:** *finally got the lights on the tree* _…now why the hell are they BLINKING?_

**All:** _And finding a Christmas tree!  
The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:_

**Ray:** _Batteries-not-included…_

**Kitty:** _No parking spaces…_

**Logan/Scott:** *twitch*

**Jamie:** *to Xavier* _Buy me something!_

**Jean:** *opens a window and yells out* _Get a job, you bums!_

**Ororo:** _Facing my in-laws_

**Xavier/Magneto:** _Five months of bills!_

**Kurt:** *sarcastically* _Yo-ho…sending Christmas Cards…_

**Remy:** _Oh, geez…look at this…_

**Logan:** *vein throbbing* _One light goes out, they all go out!_

**All:** _And finding a Christmas tree!  
The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:_

**Fred:** _Stale T.V. specials…_

**Ray:** _Batteries-not-included…_

**Kitty:** _No parking spaces…_

Scott and Logan both check to see their keys are safe in their pockets.

**Jamie:** *stuck under a pile of boxes and wrapping* _Um…I gotta go to the bathroom…_

**Jamie:** _Charities…_

**Ororo:** _She's a witch; I hate her!_

**Wanda:** "Hey, watch it!"

**Xavier/Magneto:** _Five months of bills!_

**Kurt:** *shifting through name lists* _I don't even know half these people…_

**Remy:** _Oh, who has the toilet paper?_

**Rogue:** "Allrit, Rem…Ah think it's time to start cuttin' back a lil bit, 'kay?"

*lights suddenly go out*

**Logan:** _Get a flashlight; I blew a fuse!_

*a few seconds later, the lights come back on*

**All:** _And finding a Christmas tree!  
The twelfth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:_

**Wanda:** _Singing Christmas Carols…_

**Fred:** _Stale T.V. Specials…_

**Ray:** _Batteries-not-included…_("Hey, wait a sec…I don't need batteries!")

**Kitty:** _No Parking…_

Scott and Logan run to the window to make sure all vehicles are present and accountant for

**Jamie:** [_starts crying…loudly_]

**Jean:** *banging her head against her desk* _Charities…_

**Ororo:** _Gotta make 'em dinner…_

**Xavier/Magneto:** _Five months of bills!_

**Kurt:** *throws the pen down* _I'm not sending them this year, that's it!_

**Remy:** _Shut up, you…_

**Logan:** *throws the lights at Xavier* _Fine! You're so smart, YOU rig up the lights!_ *stomps out of the room*

**All:** _…and finding a Christmas Tree!_

**Kitty:** "Wow…it's times like these I'm gladI'm Jewish!"

Bobby and Jubilee give one another a glance, nod, then stand up.

**Bobby:** "There is, however, one good thing about Christmas."

This catches everybody's attention as the couple walk to the stairway so they can be seen from everywhere in the room.

**Jubilee:** "A tradition—no, more like a rule that MUST be followed every year at this time."

**Bobby:** "And do you know what that rule is?"

Everybody looks towards one another for the answer, but nobody seems to get it until Jubilee gives a grin. She holds up a tiny remote control device…

**Jubilee:** "…MISTLETOE!"

…and pushes the button. Dozens of branches of mistletoe pop down from their trap doors in the ceiling, courtesy of Bobby and Jubilee's "secret task" the night before. Many couples suddenly find themselves caught under the menacing plant.

Sam and Rahne are the first victims. They give each other a quick peck on the lips, blushing madly.

Rogue and Remy are the second. He grabs Rogue's hand and kisses it; she smiles at him, then gives him peck on the lips in response

Scott and Jean are next.

**Jean:** *turns to Scott* "Well…it _is_ a rule."

**Scott:** "I guess…"

He gives her a gentle kiss on the cheek.

**Bobby:** *from his position on the stairs* "Lame!"

They glare at him, and he meets it easily.

Tabby and Ray are the next ones. They share a rather heated kiss, earning some wolf-whistles from the rest of the group.

Logan and Ororo were _supposed_ to be the next victims…but he slashed the offending flora before anyone else got a chance to see it. Ororo gave him a knowing glance out of the corner of her eye. Jubilee pouted and reluctantly put away the disposal camera she had with her.

Jamie found himself all alone underneath his own branch, and was suddenly bombarded by nearly every girl in the house giving him kisses on the cheek, all of them giggling. He just barely got away, completely dazed and hair ruffled to the extreme.

Kurt found no mistletoe above his head, so he mischievously teleported himself and his girlfriend to a spot where there WAS some.

**Amanda:** *gigling* Kurt!

**Kurt:** _Was_? You complaining?

**Amanda:** *grinning* Not in the least.

She brushes her lips against his gently, wrapping her arms around him as he holds their waist. He happily returns the gesture.

The last couple to find themselves trapped were…

…

…

…Lance and Pietro!

They both look up at the mistletoe.

Lance looks at Pietro.

Pietro looks at Lance.

*lengthy pause*

**Both:** "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

They each receive a tap on the shoulder. Lance spins around to find Kitty, who surprises him with a soft kiss on the lips. Pietro does the same, to find Ryo standing there. She gives him a peck on the cheek.

The most amusing display of the evening, however, is watching Todd hop around the room after Wanda, who was running as if her life depended upon it. He holds out a piece of mistletoe with his right hand, calling after her.

**Todd:** "Aww, come on. You know you want to!"

**Wanda:** "Not if Pietro's life depended upon it! Heck, not even if MY life depended upon it!"

Bobby and Jubilee were nearly on the floor in hysterics, high-fiving each other for a prank well done. Bobby then grows a mischievous gleam in his eye, holding something behind his back. Curiosity quickly gets the better of her.

**Jubilee:** "What is it? Tell me! Pleeease!"

He holds out his own branch of mistletoe, placing it above her head. She gasps in surprise.

**Jubilee:** "Bobby!"

He silences her with a kiss that she happily returns.

**Bobby:** "Don't you just love the holidays?"

* * *

***_The Cheesy Yet Oh-So-Necessary Ending_***

* * *

Everybody (X-men, Brotherhood, Apocolytes, Amanda, and the citizens of Bayville—Duncan, Taryn,…even Principal Kelly!) is gathered together in front of the X-mansion, where Storm has managed to coat the property with a gentle blanket of white. Couples are huddled together romantically and friends chat.

Heck, even Wanda's finally gotten to the holiday spirit, happily laughing with her brother, one arm around him in a sisterly manner…

Remy holds up a bottle to the audience with a smirk on his face.

**Remy:** "I think that I should never win…a gift so useful such as Gin!"

All at once, they turn to the camera. Xavier wheels to the center of the stage.

**Xavier:** "We would now like to give our farewells and happy holiday wishes to you, the reader…"

The music starts up, and everybody begins singing.

**Everybody:** _We wish you a Merry Christmas;  
We wish you a Merry Christmas;  
We wish you a Merry Christmas…_

**Kitty:** _…And Hanukkah, too!_

**New Recruits:** _Good tidings, we bring…_

**Wanda/Pietro/Rogue/Kurt:** _…to you and your kin!_

**Taryn/Duncan/Amanda:** _We wish you a Merry Christmas_

**Kitty:** "…and Hanukkah!"

**Principal Kelley:** _…and a Happy New Year!_

Fred steps up to the spotlight, with the rest of the brotherhood right behind him…well, off to the side a bit.

**Fred:** _Oh, bring me some figgy pudding_  
_Oh, bring me some figgy pudding  
Oh, bing me some figgy pudding…  
I'll eat it right here!_

**Brotherhood:** _He won't go until he gets some  
He won't go until he gets some  
He won't go until he gets some…  
Just like every year!_

Many couples, in turn, take their turn stepping up to the spotlight. (…and Jamie sneaks in, too, just because he's so cute!)

**Bobby/Jubilee:** _We wish you a Merry Christmas!_

**Sam/Rahne:** _We wish you a Merry Christmas!_

**Tabby/Ray:** _We wish you a Merry Christmas!_

**Jamie:** _And a Happy New Year!_

**Scott/Jean:** _We wish you a Merry Christmas!_

**Logan/Ororo:** _We wish you a Merry Christmas!_

**Lance/Kitty:** _We wish you a Merry Christmas!_

**Kitty:** "…and Hanukkah!"

**Everybody:** "And a Happy-y-y-y-y-y Ne-e-e-e-ew Ye-e-e-e-e-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-r!"

As the song ends, an acorn from one of the trees falls, banging Principal Kelly on the head (for he was the only one "smart" enough to be standing right under it). He falls unconscious.

A strangely yellow-eyed squirrel (who looks vaguely familiar) scurries away from the offending tree. If one were paying attention veeeery closely, one could almost hear it give an evil chuckle

Todd stares at the unconscious Principal for a moment.

**Todd:** "Well, whadya know…I got my Christmas wish!"


End file.
